WARNING: This post will contain the word “fuck” several times. It’s unavoidable. I’m sorry, but hopefully if you can get past the word you’ll be able to find alternative phrases to help your through your divorce (and possibly any tough situation you face in life).
I get it. Divorce, for many, is hard and not necessarily the type of situation where you want to just throw your hands up in the air, exasperated, and say the words “Fuck it!” You’re looking out for yours and your children’s best interests, and often your soon-to-be-ex spouse is pulling and poking at all of your ticks and buttons to get to you because they are also looking out for the same and yet you two just can’t seem to get on the same page. After all, that’s why you’re getting divorced, right?
So you’re stuck arguing over the language of property divisions? You’re happy with who gets what, but your ex wants specifics written into the decree, account numbers or ring sizes. It’s wasting time. Fuck it. Rather than argue about the logistics, just swallow your pride and put it in there. You’re deadlocked into a battle over what expenses are paid for by child support? Fuck it. Just unclench your fingers from around your wallet and be happy that your ex is paying child support in the first place.
I’m not saying that you have to abandon your morals or succumb to the other person’s every whim, but “fuck it” is just a way of telling yourself to take a step back and view the situation from a third-party perspective to evaluate if what you are arguing about is really worth arguing over. Stop having the contest of who has the better reason to do XYZ and move on. If your ex will sleep better at night knowing that Account #1234567 goes to him and Account #7654321 is yours then write it into your decree, and if your kid gets $30 in lunch money from your funds and not hers then by all means make sure that Junior gets fed.
Do you want another way to say “fuck it”? Try “let it go” or “put it in God’s hands” or “que será, será.”
I’ve found that this little phrase has helped me in other aspects of my life as well, not just while I was going through my divorce. I tend to have high levels of anxiety, especially because of my kids. I do hold myself to some decent standards, like dressing appropriately and being on time to most appointments, but I have learned to let it go about some things, like my 3 year old picking out her own unmatching clothes or my kids being noisy in a restaurant where most people are noisy, just maybe not as little kids. Maybe they’re being a little unruly. As long as they aren’t bugging people, I just take a deep breath and say “fuck it!”
I come from a long line of stubborn women, so my challenge to you is that if I can do it, so can you. Do your best to let go of the things that make you anxious or exasperated. Take a step back so that you can look at the big picture and focus on what matters. If you find yourself trapped in that never-ending cycle of conflict, say it out loud. Fuck it just might help.